Several years ago when I lived in Sacramento some Nazi Skinhead picked a fight with me, before he could let off his first punch I wrapped my hands around his throat & proceeded to squeeze, I was blinded with rage & filled with adrenalin, so his feeble attempts to hit me did nothing. His short portly friend then started to panic & proceeded to bite my forearm. I was no stranger to street fights, so I started choking Skinhead #1 even harder. Luckily for these two dipshits, a cop showed up because once the first skinhead was unconscious or dead, I was planning on doing the same thing to the second one. To the Skinheads credit I was completely covered in blood & the next day I felt like a truck ran me over.

 I only bring up this story in the slight chance the portly skinhead is reading this. So if he is, be warned… you now have ethnic blood running through your veins. You are no longer pure Aryan! My darkie blood cells will multiply faster in your system than my people do & you know how my people are, they like to fuck without condoms and have babies they can’t afford. Welcome to the mud race, mother fucker! I hope you like eating seeni sambol & curry with a lot of coconut milk in it. 

 I like that some senior citizens are stubborn know it all assholes, because quite often when I am walking Ottie I get to have this exchange with them.

Old duffer - oh, what a cute dog! Can I pet him?

Me - I’m sorry, but you can’t, he is very protective of me & he will try to bite you.

Old duffer - well, he looks happy, he is wagging his tale.

 At this point the old duffer disregards my warning & attempts to pet Ottie & just as I warned he tries to bite them. The old duffer then jumps back & instead of apologizing, shoots me a dirty look, & says, “what a nasty little dog!”

 Now I become pissed off & I contemplate biting the old duffer for talking shit about my best friend. 

 Quite often someone will tell me, “I don’t give money to the homeless, because they are just gonna spend it on drugs.” I’m not saying this assumption is wrong or right, but when I give someone that is homeless money I don’t give a fuck what they spend it on.

 The other day I was riding my bike & listening to Iron Reagan, when a truck sped by me with a homophobic bumper sticker stuck to the bumper & a set of faux testicles between the two rear wheels. The message on the sticker was camouflaged with some jive shit about family values. I’m not sure how the “truck nuts” relate to “family values”, but in my opinion teaching your children bigotry is a form of neglect, intellectual neglect that is. My point is, fuck the narrow minded for trying to monopolize & ruin a nice word like “family”.  

one of my favorites!

Las Vegas was a great place to grow up… I hate to admit to this, but the boy in his teens that was beaten seriously in this article was me! I was punched from behind & from what witnesses say I fell to the ground, then I was beaten over the head with my own skateboard, good times! 

 I really hate lying, but last night a woman in upper management asked me how I was doing, I responded by saying, “I’m doing well, how are you?”

 What I wanted to say was, “go fuck yourself!” 

Recently my daughter and I were driving south on Nellis Blvd when we hit a red light at Flamingo RD. While waiting for the light to turn green, I saw an ass out of the corner of my eye. When I turned to look there was a guy standing with his pants around his ankles, & someone sucking his cock. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bring this to my daughter’s attention, but she noticed I had a weird look on my face. My daughter asked me what was wrong; I fumbled for an excuse… I told her, “I think I might have forgotten something”.

 My daughter asked me what I forgot, I told her, “I don’t know”.

 I locked my eyes with the stop light. It felt like the red light was taking forever to turn green. When the light changed, I drove away and let out a sigh of relief. I told my daughter, “I didn’t forget anything”, she told me, “you’re weird!”

I love the Descendents & I love the first 666 parodies of their logo, but at this point (#667) it’s lame… by the way this is the 667th parody of it. Lets move onto to something original and by original I don’t mean a parody of the Black Flag or Misfits logo…